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Eulogy for a website

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We get spam!

Hi Brutishandshort.Com Team,

I thought you might like to know some of the reasons why you are not getting enough organic & social media traffic on your website.

I would like to update you that your website is still not ranked on the top pages of Google SERPs for your popular keywords (Products). Your loss is your competitor’s gain i.e. the traffic which could have generated quality sales for you goes to your competitors as they rank well in the Search Engine Result Pages (SERPs) organically.

Reasons:

1. HTML and other on-page errors are present on your website.
2. Low number of internal and external quality links present on your website.
3. Duplicate or low quality contents present in your website without any regular update.
4. Need to update fresh contents on your website and blogs as per the latest Google guideline.
5. Broken Links and Poison words might be present in your website.
6. Social media profile needs to be updated regularly.

Long gone are the days when Google used to give priority to websites of keyword based domains or websites with huge number of links. Now Google counts each and every detail to verify if your website is relevant to the keywords you are promoting for. A single un-wanted link or a duplicate content can lead your website to be penalized by Google.

We are a leading website promotion company providing online promotion, SMO, Reputation Management, Content (both web and promotional content) fixing services to clients. We have a team of 240+ SEO professional working 24*7. Our team of dedicated Google Analytic and Adwords certified professionals excel in promoting and increasing the visibility of a website in various search engines (including the latest Google Panda and Penguin updates), which will directly help in increasing traffics for your website.

Unlike other SEO companies we do not believe in talking rather we believe in delivering what we promise to our clients. We provide guaranteed services or money back-guarantee to all our clients who consider working with us.

If you are getting rigid by paying a huge amount in PPC then Organic listing by using white hat technique will be definitely a right choice for you. As the rate of conversion is more in organic listing as compared to PPC, eventually it will be an absolute gain for you.

This email just tells you the fraction of things we do, our optimization process involves many other technical factors which can be sent to you on your request. If you would like to know more about our services then please write us back else you can give us a call us in our number below.

P.S: – This is our marketing strategy that we use the Gmail account. Once you reply us back, the next communication I will do is from my corporate email ID.

Let me know your thoughts and looking forward to work together.

Best Regards,
Justin Taylor|Senior SEO Advisor
PH. No: (217) 650-7095
Skype: justintaylor888

I encourage you all to call Justin Taylor and ask him about his business model!

My reply:

Holy fucking shit, Justin Taylor. Thank you for your thorough assessment of our webpage.com, which we have clearly been utilizing to gain the highest SEO profile possible in order to sell what you rightly noted as our most popular product, namely “Product.” (Really, thank you for telling us about “product.” The concept, I think, is revolutionary in its simplicity. I don’t believe anyone has ever thought of this before possibly ever, and I would like you to know that you’ve helped clarify my thinking in this regard.)

One of the many ways in which we have been attempting to monetize our content is via a relatively new online strategy we like to call, “stopping on the doing of the website pretty much forever.” So far, it has been either incredibly worthwhile or manifestly unsound. On the one hand, we get to not do the website anymore. On the other hand, not doing the website is kind of sad because when we were doing it we were really going for it, and that was fun. That was fun, Justin Taylor, but I just don’t think that any of us have the time right now to do the website thing. And that means, unfortunately and alas, Justin Taylor, that we simply can’t, in good faith, take you up on your generous offer to work with us to improve our SEO profile, because the brutal truth of the matter, Justin Taylor, is that we simply haven’t cared for a while and the website, well the website, there’s that, and it’s kind of a done deal.

As someone who cold calls on the regular, I wish you the very best, but — word of advice? Take your Skype out of your email signature. A bit too much, Justin Taylor. Just a bit too much.

Best wishes,

Tom O’Hare

[Many titles]

Please consider this a eulogy for B&S. There’s a possibility we’ll revive the site, but for the moment we’re all involved in the real world a bit too much to keep this shit updated. We understand that this speaks volumes about our laziness and our lack of motivation. We don’t care. We heart you, and we’ll miss you always — or at least until we start this bad boy up again.

With love and squalor,

~Tom (and Trevor and Ben)


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